Here's the story, about as complete as it gets

This is a collection of emails chronicling an emotional, mental, spiritual, and relational wandering into and through grief.

The first ones deal with anticipation and excitement leading up to a greatly expected surgery.

The next section covers recovery and excitement about a greatly expected return to full health and vivaciousness for Ruth.

Then enter the specters, Death and Anguish.

Followed by my steady companions, Grief and Hope.

I would say “finally”, but it is not over. Will it ever be? I will just say ‘now’. Because now is where I choose to live. I know even better than before that tomorrow is never certain. And I hopefully learn from yesterday. But now is all I have. And if now is sad, then I cry. If now is hilarious, I laugh until I cry. And if now is just everyday stuff, then I go shopping, or go out to eat, or go to the bathroom.  

 

Like the story the kid wrote on his cast about how he broke his arm, this is written so you can get the whole story in one place, at one time.

If you like it, that’s cool. If it helps, that’s great too. If you relate to some of what happened to me, I hope you also find hope as I have.

But this is not written as a road map through grief. It is simply my story of my grief.

People have told me I should write a book. I have told them that if I did, it would be the best book I ever read about my own grief. It has helped me process everything so far, and it has been a way to stay connected to family and friends who loved her. If that helps someone else, that’s “gravy” as Ruth used to say. Gravy is all the stuff that goes on the table after the necessities, the meat and potatoes, have been taken care of.

 

 

For those of you who don’t know what transpired before we came to China, here’s the brief story.

November of 2007 at a teacher convention in Dallas we were introduced to an overseas teaching organization. We were planning to go back and teach in Longview the next year, but those plans were changed. We were being sent to China to teach in an international school in Kunming, China.

Andrew, Timothy, and Wesley came with us. Bethany, K’Leigh, and Jonathan stayed in college in the states.

Ruth was teaching second grade. I am teaching 6^th grade. This is an amazing school. It is also a great place to live.

When we came we knew that it was a remote possibility that Ruth might need surgery to remove a fibroid tumor from her uterus before we returned to the states the next summer.

It was determined she needed surgery sooner rather than later. We decided to go to Bummrungrad Hospital in Bangkok Thailand. It is an amazing hospital. We received better care than any hospital we’d ever been to in the states. The surgery went well, but after she left the hospital a blood clot lodged in her lung. Ruth died on Friday September 12.

The boys and I came back to the states for a memorial service. We stayed in Texas for about 6 weeks, then returned to Kunming.

And that’s where we are now. Where we are supposed to be. Learning and teaching and living. Definitely living.

And one more thing, speaking of learning. I have learned two certainties. He is good and He loves me, but you’ll read more about that later.